GIRL FAILURE

"we were together for 9 months. we were long distance for a month after spending every waking moment of study abroad together traveling the world together we argued a lot but loved just as hard. we always made up and talked about our future our love our kids & dogs we’d have how excited we were to be in the same city again & everything. he called me his wife to everyone and posted me all the time. we were eachothers whole world (our first mistake). i started loving watching basketball bc of him. he made me love myself more

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[some stuff happened and then] i told him i was scared bc i felt like maybe it had something to do w me and he said i had nothing to be scared of. up until his return, he was telling me that he was gonna keep choosing me and our love forever.

he sits us down on a bench nearby and tells me he doesn’t think he can be with me anymore sobbing. i’m in shock so im really cold and just initially accept it and dont want to talk about it because it felt like the ground had been taken out from under me. we go back to his place talk some more and i finally break down bc i was so confused so blindsided & no part of me wanted to break up. i thought we just had to keep fighting for us & we could grow tg. i didn’t realize at the time how miserable i also was in our relationship how stressed out & angry i was all the time.

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afterwards i had my crash outs and sighhh wrote letters.. went through the stages of grief multiple times got really depressed and angry but mostly sad and didn’t really wanna be on the planet anymore. i broke no contact a few times too many and each time regretted bc he always twisted my words like a knife in my chest and made me feel like an awful person. during the relationship i was this angel he put on a pedestal and loved and would do anything to fight for and after the breakup he was villainizing me and victimizing himself saying how much i put him through saying things that felt like multiple stab wounds around my whole body even when i apologized sm and took accountability for all the hurt i had caused while he never really did. it took me SO LONG to heal from that. to go from feeling like someone was my best friend in the whole wide world who understood and saw me and what i’d been through more than anyone to feeling like he didn’t know me at all and used my trauma against me. for him to go from love to hate. for him & everyone in his life to completely misunderstand me but i guess that’s life. thank yall for the space to be open about this it felt like one final release kind of. <3" - anonymous